is a funny thing. It’s one of those weird emotional things that truly makes us just…human. I mean, we have this part of us that just longs for contact, protection, care, and fidelity. And once we find that, we cling to it and find a way to keep it alive in our hearts as well. But when any of that is endangered, we…sort of collapse. We do all that we can to keep it intact and don’t know what to do when that goal becomes unattainable. And heartbreak comes from a small but crucial part of that sensitive part of us. When betrayal meets insufficience - when we feel that we just weren’t enough to keep it alive. We have all experienced it at least once, to some degree, because it’s part of living, part of coexisting with other people that we are attracted to, whether it be a friend, or a hopeful “something more.” But what we don’t think about at that moment is that everything, as much as we hate to admit it at times, happens for a reason. People come in and out of your life, holding keys to different parts of your heart, each one as precious and meaningful as the next. And yes, sometimes it totally sucks. But hindsight is 20/20, and looking back, it’s important to realize just what is happening - personal history is being made. No matter what sweater you’re wearing and how you think you’ll look at it in the future, there’s no need to make your wardrobe suffer. I bet it’s a really cute sweater, and no heartbreak is worth that. 

I guess what I’m getting at is the fact that there’s no need to blame yourself for being sensitive. Being emotional is a beautiful quality, and sensitivity is to be embraced. Wholeheartedly. Take pride in being a beautiful woman regardless of what you think others are saying. And what we need to focus on - all of us - is that we are made as beautiful as the next. But what puts you over the edge is an ability to love and let yourself go around the people you care for, even if it doesn’t always pan out just the way you’re looking for. 

After all, it’s true: You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need (especially if you let your beautiful emotional womanly side shine bright as the stars in the deep night sky).

that what’s scaring me about not being cast in any of 3 shows this semester is not the idea of not being able to perform as much as not being able to be part of a group that I have affiliated myself with so strongly for the past several months. Not being able to grow so closely and form memories of Greased Lightnin’ or Beauty School Dropout with the best of them. I’ll be a heck of a lot easier to forget I guess. And this comes back to the fear of invisibility. I just don’t want to be left behind. Stupid, right?

has been on my mind so much this past week in particular. Just the concept of inner beauty has always been something that strikes me. One reason being because you can typically tell in someone’s eyes (they are, in fact, the window to the soul). But everyone, having been in this odd stressed mood this week, has oddly brought out the inner beauty of so many people. What I can’t understand sometimes is how someone can be so genuine and beautiful to someone, but so devious and off-putting to another. 

I’ve been thinking - and posting - about this idea of being one people. That the interesting thing is that frustrations or pleasing dispositions are caused by either disparities or similarities, when in truth, we are all people. See earlier post for elaboration on this opinion. And the fact that we are all feeling different things, but at the root of the issue, feeling, is important in realizing that we all have our qualms, and we all have our issues, and we all have our obstacles, and our moments of utter bliss. We all encounter these things and react to them because we have beautiful human souls. 

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder - is inner beauty just the same, if we are all beautiful in the way that we experience life as humans? Opinions anyone?

are fake. People are nasty. People are beautiful. People are talented. People are stupid. People are easy to ignore, and annoying. People are amazing. People are…people. Just as designed to be. Everyone is different and makes their own choices that define just where they are going, and what obstacles will become debacles in the paths they choose. 

But I had this thought today - why can’t people coexist and communicate? I don’t think it’s the most difficult thing to do. Just yesterday I went to my roommate and said “Hey. I realize this has been bothering you. And guess what? THIS is bothering me.” And today we are as happy as two peas in a newly cleaned pod. But what irks me and will, most likely, continue to, is the inability for people to approach other people. 

It may seem hypocritical for me to say that - if you know me well at all. I typically would say “hey! bottle it up!” But I’m realizing that it’s one of the stupidest things that one can do. Look at any songwriter. As long as they’re not writing about having sex in a club, there’s emotion behind it! The ability to feel and acknowledge emotions is such a beautiful gift that so many take for granted, and it truly is a shame. Who cares what anyone else thinks about what you have to say? It’s what you have to say and that’s what matters! Everyone has something in that pumping mass we refer to as the heart. And it’s an amazing thing, as is the art of communication! And what’s more, if you look into it far enough, you’ll see that emotions and statements rooted in them will cause reactions, which will only start a beautiful chain reaction, and soon enough, if accepted in the proper manner, we will all be doing the same thing. Feeling. Whether it be anger, frustration, love, longing, regret, mourning - each is an emotion that has the same right to be expressed by another beautiful human made in beautiful image. 

Remarkable, isn’t it?